Rant Confession & Relief Efforts

In confessing my exhaustion yesterday I was able to ponder to myself WHY...am I so exhausted?

Its actually something I have been coping with silently for a little while now. I'm taking steps to revitalize, stretching more, saying NO more to invasions of my precious alone time.

I'm literally getting up and walking away from people who see me and sit down to complain about some shit that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I have close friends that I vent to and can also feel free to vent on me that being said, we ALSO do fun things and work together on stuff and have various life experiences, morals and values in common...thats what makes them friends!

I have a job where some guests appreciate, while others feel entitled to make it as miserable as humanly possible for every single person they come in contact with whether they realize it or not.

One guest actually said the place could use a mental health grant, Other guests have asked if it is half way house, and my co worker and the person who makes it more bearable by their presense has also confessed...yes, sometimes it makes him feel a little crazy also. So, in my opinion, there's a lot to be said for the people you are surrounded by having a large impact of our over all health and feeling of well being.

It certainly feels like owner doesn't appreciate a single thing except the amount of green pieces of paper that go in his pocket, as far as I can tell he doesn't give a single shit about guest experience, conditions of the units, matresses, or any other little detail that can either make a guest want to return and write a glowing review, or make them run away as fast as they can....as I've thought about doing often myself. He's quite content with expecting us to go into local dive bars to post signs advertising the place and um, NO, that's not ok.

Profit is priority one and if its not where he wants it he'll take the money out of the pockets of employees who take a tremendous amount of stress on his behalf, by cutting the tiny commissions to tinier that offset the small hourly wage making it even harder to even want to try to meet his expectations of profit with zero operational budget, deal with angry people who on occasion make threats, and emit the sort of energy that makes you wonder if they might carry them out, run off guests AND yet we still try to improve the place by bringing things of our own to decorate the walls, creating more inviting spaces.....to make it nicer for EVERYBODY and improve reviews which would increase the confidence of potential guests looking to book on line because also....God Forbid....we'd like to enjoy our jobs a little more, feel safer, have happy guests and build a place that is less like an intermitent war zone and more like a sanctuary.....but honestly.....I'm burning out on that also because its like pushing a bolder uphill and getting slapped in the face repeatedly for the effort.

I am abundantly grateful for all of my female friends who also stepped away from mainstream employment often with the moral support of loved ones, to work from home, build thier own way and happiness, and/or back me up on my feeling that all of this is waaaaay to much in respect to the compensation and general grief and abusive situations that arise fairly regularly.

It makes me feel a little more sane and human.